Connect with others

Carer Stress: Tips for Taking Care of Yourself

	
Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • Forum Admin

    Caring for a loved one strains even the most resilient people. If you’re a carer, take steps to preserve your own health and well-being. Check out this website for some tips on taking care of yourself.
    http://www.dementiatoday.com/caregiver-stress-tips-for-taking-care-of-yourself-2/

    t86

    This is my first time here. in fact my first time on any sort of forum. I just want to know, does anyone else feel like they are walking on egg shells when caring for a parent that has Vascular Dementia. I feel like as soon as I sense a change in his mood, I feel like my stomach is in knots. sometimes, actually most times now, my dads aggression is too much. I know its not him, that its the disease, but still hurts when your dad can say hurtful things. sometimes I just want to walk out of the house and not return for a long time. make it someone else’s problem. I know that sounds bad.

    Forum Admin

    Hi t86.

    It does seem like your situation is becoming very difficult.

    Our Online Dementia Support counselling service can also assist you if you would like to contact us.
    To access it, please select COUNSELLING ONLINE from the menu above and then click on Contact a Counsellor.

    debbie

    I had a really bad time with my Mum who got very aggressive with me shouting and abusing me, saying that she didn’t need to be checked on to the point myself and a friend had to attend her doctors surgery a couple of times, it was only then, when her doctor saw my mum in action shouting and getting aggressive with him that he decided to get his act together and get some professional people involved and force her to hospital after doing some test on her. I was unable to see my mum for a few weeks as I was afraid of her getting aggressive again. I have now after a couple of months and recommendation from doctors able to get her into a permanent residential care. My mum was 91 years old and was still living by herself at home.

    I too got like you the tightness in the chest and the stomach tied in knots, I am going on holidays for a weeks now for a rest. It is really hard going. Don’t think you need to deal with this by yourself speaking to the wonderful staff on the help line is great they really understand what you are going thru, I find booking into a number of the courses would be quite helpful. But please remember you need to get some of your own life back, I spent a solid three months dealing with mums things, e.g. getting her into a home as well as selling her house, it is all so stressful. Must look after yourself before you sick with all the stress.

    keri

    Like t86 above, this too is my first go at a forum.
    I care for my Dad who has dementia, but hard to tell when he’s displaying dementia or the ‘real’ him. A lot of his behaviour he displays now he did when he didn’t have dementia, but now I feel he has an ‘excuse’ and I’m trying to treat it like he doesn’t know what he’s saying when he goes into a rage, which can be difficult because of past issues. I understand he is frightened and cant handle a change of routine, so when I go away for even a night he loses it, even though my brother is here to care for him. I am his sole carer and have been for a number of years, but only diagnosed with dementia 3 years ago. My main aim through caring for him was to hope for a ‘calm mind’ before he died,(he’s 100) but instead his flare ups are now affecting me to the point that my health is being affected. I can’t quite get it though my head that he doesn’t know what he’s doing and I want to tell him that he can’t treat me like this any longer. It’s probably all about getting approval from one’s parents….never being good enough…all that stuff. I know he would be mortified if he knew (in his right mind) I felt like this but I can’t quite seem to part with all the old issues of the past where he’s bullied the women of the family and we all walked about ‘on egg shells’ when he was in one of his moods. Basically he’s always been very good man and a good and caring father, but like many of his generation,women are second class citizens.
    Forgiveness and understanding can be difficult when one is being told you are not good enough in no uncertain terms…. even this late in life we crave for approval from our parents…..It’s all too late and too cruel for me to sit him down now and tell him what I really think, but I don’t want to be beaten anymore by his antics, dementia or no dementia, so have organised some counselling and will do this forum and try and spew it out that way. Who knows, it may just do the trick. Would be nice if I can do it before he dies, and would be even nicer if we can manage to get that calm mind happening for him. (and for me)
    A good lesson for us all to do something about our bad habits before we get too old and its no longer possible….they just get worse.

    t86

    Update: my dad went into care last year. He was in hospital for a month and we made the decision to have dad go into care full time. It was stressful running around finding suitable places for him. Places were either at full capacity or they had no dementia secure facilities. We were lucky to have a placement available to us. It wasn’t our first choice but it was acceptable for the time being until the place we had our hopes on opened up. Thankfully it did. Moving him into care was a difficult time. I knew it had to be done, because him at home was no good for anyone. We were at breaking point. I felt guilty… I wanted to keep him home and care for him. I feel like I failed him, that I wasn’t strong enough to care for him anymore. I love him but I just could not do it anymore. He was double incontinent, constant wandering, not sleeping- I would be woken up every few hours, his aggression was unpredictable, his gait was slow-shuffling. I was doing 3 loads of washing nearly every day.
    Now that he’s been in care for a while now, he’s content. He still wanders around but he’s content. In the beginning I would get calls that dad was agitated or he had a run in with another resident. I still get anxious, when my phone rings and I see the phone number, my stomach drops. I think to myself what now? is it dad?, has he had a fall? Has he had another run in with another resident? My fear would be that if he is constantly showing aggression would he be kicked out? What would happen then? As much as I love him, I just could not care for him. And that sets off the guilts. Now though, now that he is content, when I visit I see a shadow of the man that I know as my dad. This makes me sad. I struggle seeing him like this. He no longer speaks in full sentences, if anything it’s mumbling and no one can make sense of it. I hate seeing him like this…I miss my dad.

    Forum Admin

    Hi t86.

    Our Online Dementia Support counselling service can also assist you if you would like to contact us.
    To access it, please select COUNSELLING ONLINE from the menu above and then click on Contact a Counsellor.

    Forum Admin

    Hi t86.

    Our Online Dementia Support counselling service can also assist you if you would like to contact us.
    To access it, please select COUNSELLING ONLINE from the menu above and then click on Contact a Counsellor.

    Forum Admin

    Hi t86.

    Our Online Dementia Support counselling service can also assist you if you would like to contact us.
    To access it, please select COUNSELLING ONLINE from the menu above and then click on Contact a Counsellor,

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.