I had a really bad time with my Mum who got very aggressive with me shouting and abusing me, saying that she didn’t need to be checked on to the point myself and a friend had to attend her doctors surgery a couple of times, it was only then, when her doctor saw my mum in action shouting and getting aggressive with him that he decided to get his act together and get some professional people involved and force her to hospital after doing some test on her. I was unable to see my mum for a few weeks as I was afraid of her getting aggressive again. I have now after a couple of months and recommendation from doctors able to get her into a permanent residential care. My mum was 91 years old and was still living by herself at home.
I too got like you the tightness in the chest and the stomach tied in knots, I am going on holidays for a weeks now for a rest. It is really hard going. Don’t think you need to deal with this by yourself speaking to the wonderful staff on the help line is great they really understand what you are going thru, I find booking into a number of the courses would be quite helpful. But please remember you need to get some of your own life back, I spent a solid three months dealing with mums things, e.g. getting her into a home as well as selling her house, it is all so stressful. Must look after yourself before you sick with all the stress.